Directors: Michael Spierig/Peter Spierig
Two Hollywood studio executives overheard in discussion:
A: So if we don’t come up with any new and more importantly profitable ideas, we’re both looking at a one way trip to the welfare line.
B: Hmm, well you know what the kids love these days? VAMPIRES!
A: Vampires. I like it. But how do we come up with something different? The kids are all about Twilight these days.
B: Well let’s just take someone like the main guy from Twilight and introduce him to this dystopian America of the future where 95% of the world’s population and vampires and the remaining 5% of humans are dying out. Our guy’s a sympathetic vampire, someone we can root for. He doesn’t want to feed off humans, he wants to be human.
A: I’m listening. But dystopian? Sounds expensive.
B: We can film it in Australia for half the costs and take advantage of the tax breaks and government subsidies.
A: That’s more like it. But who should we have as our lead?
B: Brad? Leo?
A: With their salary bracket? No way. We need someone less pretty but who can pass as vulnerable and doe-eyed for the female demographic. But tough enough for the dudes. Someone like…..
B: Ethan Hawke!
A: Yes, he’s done that “doesn’t make sense” sci-fi bullshit in Gattaca and he’ll only cost [taps away at calculator] a tenth of what Brad or Leo would ask for. We need some cheap rent-a-bad guys to beef up the casting. I’m thinking….
B: Sam Neill as a nefarious businessman and Willem Dafoe as a vampire-turned-human?
A: Interesting. But wait, how would Dafoe become human?
B: Don’t worry about that. Kids’ll buy anything. Just spout some pseudo-scientific tosh and make it sound semi-credible.
A: I see. But how will the human race survive? The odds are pretty stacked against it, you have to admit.
B: Well, the vampires are ravenous, so when they bite the vampires-turned-human, they too become human. And give it enough time, the whole population becomes human again. And this means we can liberally unleash blood and violence to impress the dudes who think the movie’s too pussy so far.
A: Cool. So how does it end?
B: It doesn’t. We deliberately leave a really rubbish ending to ensure the inevitable sequel or four.
A: B….you know that sports car you’ve always dreamed of? Make a deposit on it. Because we’re about to make shitloads of $$$